Life keeps going

So, many of you know how busy me and Elan are this semester. I am taking 19 credits, and doing the biggest winner program at school, and Elan is taking 16 credits and working 18 hours a week. We are pretty busy, but we still try and find time to do things together. This weekend we went to a jazz festival and a Valentine's dance. It was fun, but the feeling of being overwhelmed was not helped. It is especially hard when I have big assignments due later, and of course my first reaction is to procrastinate. So, it's a work in progress. Some other news, I am doing the Biggest Winner at school which is the BYU-I's version of biggest loser! I have already lost 8 pounds! It is another time commitment, but I think that it is well worth it. My goal for this semester is to lose 30 pounds and I would like to lose 100 pounds this year. I know it sounds like a lot, but it is only 2 pounds a week. I can do it! When I am really struggling I think of the kids that can't come yet because my body isn't ready, and how I am doing it for them. Speaking of which, I am doing a lot better with not having children yet. I have to keep counting my blessings and I read Isaiah 53 a lot. I know that things are going to happen for me, I just have to do my part. It is a little bit hard to see my friends who got married around the same time as me having their second child. I am of course happy for them, but I thought that I would be there by now, too. If you asked me 4 years ago what I was doing in 5 years, I would have said, "well I'd probably be at home taking care of my kids." I have the same goal for the next 5 years I guess. I am grateful for my sweet husband who loves me through all of this. Something cute that happened was this: during the opening ceremonies of biggest winner, he started to cry because he was so proud of me. He's so great and supportive. I really am lucky that I get to spend more time with him. Just him. So in other news, I am training a rat. Yeah... it's kinda fun, but I have an aversion to mice and rats that has transferred through generations, so I had to spend extra time getting used to him. His name is Luey. We are cool now!

Here is my lesson for you all. No matter what happens in life, it keeps going. It isn't going to get better when some great thing happens like for me having a baby or graduating from college (July 23)! It is a journey and we need to enjoy it while it lasts. Make sure that you count your blessings (it will surprise you what the Lord has done). I know that He loves me very much, and just remember that sometimes our timing and the Lord's timing are different, but it doesn't change the fact that He loves us and wants what is best for us. He has not forsaken us. Please don't give up on Him.

Love you all! Be true! Be strong!

Tasha

Pray For Us

So, the saga of Tasha's ever dry womb continues. As many of you know, my sweet husband has a form of arthritis and has to take a lot of medicine and stuff. Well, one of his prescriptions is for a medicine called Methotrexate and while he is on that medicine, we are encouraged highly to use every form of birth control we can because of the super harsh side effects! The problem with this medicine, is that it really helps his body to not reject the more important medicine Humira. So to get to my point, Elan has been off of this medicine for almost a year now, as we have tried to get pregnant and everything. Of course our efforts have been in vain and it is about that time that he will be going back on that medicine and we will be back to where we are not trying so that Elan can be healthy. Meanwhile, we will save up and I will try to be more healthy while we are in school so that when we graduate we can afford to go to the doctor for infertility treatments. The moral of the story is, that this is our last month for this thing to happen before a two year break of trying not to get pregnant. As all of you know, I want a baby more than anything else in the entire world.

Please pray for us.

We need all the help we can get.

Happy holidays everyone! Love you all!

Primary Program

Hey everyone! We had our primary program today and it was a super fun time! You wouldn't think that only 2 sunbeams and a dozen nursery kids would be able to fill a whole hour, but we did it! For some reason, even though we only practiced one time and there wasn't a whole lot of preparation we did alright! It was a good time! I know that those kiddos are a gift from God.

I was a vendor at the Rexburg Expo this weekend! It was pretty cool! I got the word out to a lot of people which makes up for the fact that I sold absolutely nothing. I know that it wasn't me, because my stuff is awesome! It's everyone else! So yay for having really darling clothes that nobody wants!

I am really glad that I will be going to Wyoming for Thanksgiving! And my family is coming!! I really miss them a lot! I don't think Elan has been out to the farm yet! So I am thinking that will be a super funny and delightful time for everyone! I know that my grandparents really like him a lot! So that will be good! I am really looking forward to it!

I am really grateful for my sweet husband! Even though I am not perfect and I have been having a really hard time with everything lately, he's there supporting me 100% and loving me always! I feel like I would have had a thousand nervous break downs just this week if he hadn't been there. I think that the hardest part was that I really put myself out there when we went to the expo. A lot of people said they were cute, but nobody bought anything, and that is like asking someone to go on a date with you and they say: "Well, you're cute, but... No." Except it's worse than that because I really put effort into this and was completely rejected. It's like asking someone on a date with a band playing in the background and it's being video taped and it's on the big screen in front of everyone and they say no. Oh well. There is always next time!

The good news is that I spent the whole day with Elan and we had a really good time! He said it was just the most expensive date he had ever been on! So he is amazing and I love him so much! Well that is pretty much life right now. We both love you all very much and we are looking forward to this holiday season where we get to see our families and remember what we are grateful for!

If you haven't already heard, I stopped doing Mary Kay and started to sell things that I sew. I don't know why I had such a good feeling about Mary Kay when Elan was exactly the opposite. I couldn't take the fighting and decided to stop. Luckily I am really talented! Haha! I feel like I am hopping from job to job on a whim, which is probably true. If you want to see the things that I am currently selling they are at tashasprecioustreasures.blogspot.com I am also thinking of selling some of my things at etsy.com. But I guess we shall see.

Not pregnant. That's the news, sorry it has been about a month since my last post, but not pregnant. And I had to tell the doctor that I couldn't afford the treatments. I am really upset about it. I keep having dreams about my future baby. She looks a lot like my sister Scotlyn. At least in my dreams... I am having a really hard time because I know that this trial is just another way to come closer to my Heavenly Father, but all I want to do is stop trying. Because it isn't working. It will happen when it will happen I guess. I just think that the most ironic thing is that there are a lot of people out there who thought I was pregnant when me and Elan got married because it was so quick and not in the temple. Tricks on me I guess.

I am just going to be honest right now, I am having the worst time! I have next to no friends, and my family never calls. Elan was home for about 30 minutes today after classes and had to go to work, and won't be home til midnight. I haven't sold a single thing and I have been working like crazy to get things done! I miss my friends and I miss my family. The only thing that I am living for right now is my calling at church as a primary secretary. That is a one day a week calling. And the fact that I get to see my family soon! (By my family, I mean the English family) All I can say, is I can't wait to be in school again! It's coming up quick! But for now, I am just dead weight with no purpose.

I honestly hope that no one reads into this rant. I am just venting to the world, because I don't have any one else to vent to.

We are planning to spend thanksgiving with my family and christmas with Elan's. We love you all and hope that every one is doing so well!

School's back in session!

Elan started school this week! It has been a good transition. I for one am glad that he can focus on something other than work! I feel like it is going to be another great semester! He is off to a good start! I am really so proud of him!

There was an opportunity to take classes on your off track if you have over 60 credits... well, I have over 60 credits so I was thinking, YES. Good idea! I need to be back in school! But it turns out that I can't utilize this opportunity because I haven't started back in school yet. UGH! And we went to the gym, and I couldn't get in because I haven't started back at school yet!! It has been driving me crazy!!

Concerning my job, I have not been getting any hours. And I mean ANY. My last paycheck was $7.77. Oh yes, I am rolling in the big bucks~! But anyway, I have a new friend who introduced me to the idea of working as a Mary Kay consultant. I think that maybe the reason that I haven't found any nanny jobs and my job hasn't been giving me hours is because I was supposed to be ready for this opportunity. I know that there are a lot of Mary Kay consultants out there and I will just be another fish in this massive sea, but I have a REALLY good feeling about it. I know that it is what I am supposed to be doing right now! And when I get a better feel for it and have a good customer base, I will be able to quit the stupid job that isn't giving me any hours any way! Haha!

My birthday is coming up! I am going to be 22! Yikes. I am having a little party tomorrow, and I am just really excited to see friends that i haven't seen in a really long time! I am hoping that some of them will be interested in getting a free facial! By the way, after using the Mary Kay face wash, my face felt sooo good! And then the day after (using my regular face wash) I felt gross. I love that stuff! Haha! I think it will be the first thing I buy for myself! I am really excited about it!

Baby news: I took Chlomid this month as a way to stimulate my ovaries and hopefully become pregnant. I don't know the news yet, but I will probably know by the 21st. (That is my next doctor's appointment too.) So I will keep you posted! We are both really excited about this!

I guess that is the current news of our life right now, Elan says "Hi, Ya'll" Which is kind of funny because he doesn't really talk like that. But that's what he told me to write! Haha! We love you all and we are super excited for the coming months when we get to see our families! Have a good day! :)

New Job... and other things...

I got a new job at a call center... WOO HOO. Not. It has been okay, I guess. I just wish that there was a daycare here that wanted to hire me. But, oh well. I think that it is a fine job calling people and asking questions and all that jazz... I can't complain. It's a paycheck.

I went to the OB/GYN last week, and he has high hopes of helping me and Elan get pregnant. I think that now that it is a possibility that I will be pregnant soon, I am almost freaking out about it, because I am not ready to be a mom... Hah. That is pretty ridiculous, now that I think about it. But anyway, he put me on some medicine and will see me in a couple weeks and then look at my ovaries and stuff to see what's going on in there. It was my first pap smear, so that was... interesting? And he did a bunch of blood work and I will talk to him about the results at my next appointment. So that's the news on my future baby.

Elan is full of life and exhuberance, always wanting to go on walks and go outside. He's exhausting. Haha... Just kidding, it's good for me! And for him! We are happy to have an extra paycheck, that makes life soo much easier! We are both looking forward to going back to school, and overall, life is pretty good!

I do have sad days sometimes, where I wish that things were different, but I am glad that my sweet husband is always there for me, encouraging me and loving me, even though I am broken.

We like each other, a lot.

We love you all and can't wait to see you again!

Emotional...

I feel like I have been so emotional lately! I have cried almost every day this week. I don't get it. But this is what I found out today, and it made me really really really mad/sad.

I have a friend, and she got married in March (3 months ago). She was married in the temple, and we were all so proud. Today, I found out that she is 6 months pregnant. It isn't fair. I went through all of the pain and sorrow of not being able to go through the temple and now even though I want a baby, I can't get pregnant. And this girl shouldn't have gotten married there, and here she is, going to have a baby. Maybe if me and Elan had done it that way, I would be pregnant by now. I am just so mad! I know that He loves me, but I just don't understand why I can't get the one thing I have wanted more than anything in the world. There have been a lot of babies born lately, and I can't say that I am not jealous. There are new borns in both apartments next to us, and another one kiddie corner to us. I know that it isn't true, because Heavenly Father wouldn't intentionally be cruel. But I feel like He's rubbing it in my face. Like because of what I did, I have lost the blessing of children. I can't take it. But that can't be the reason because everyone sins and can still have babies. I'm so broken. I just don't know what to do.

Yesterday, at church, I realized that I have no friends. I sat alone in relief society. I wanted to leave and just cry. But I got through it, and someone finally sat next to me. But the good news is... only one week of relief society left for me! I got a calling... I'll be in the nursery after that! :) I'm glad someone finally got the revelation. Haha. Just kidding, but I am glad because I don't think I could take another few weeks of relief society!

Anyway, I really have been emotional, I hope that everything inside of me is okay. I don't know many people who cry when they spill flour on the counter...

Oh and for the few of you who I told about my unfortunate incident, I'm okay.

Love you all, be good and remember who you are!