Emotional...

I feel like I have been so emotional lately! I have cried almost every day this week. I don't get it. But this is what I found out today, and it made me really really really mad/sad.

I have a friend, and she got married in March (3 months ago). She was married in the temple, and we were all so proud. Today, I found out that she is 6 months pregnant. It isn't fair. I went through all of the pain and sorrow of not being able to go through the temple and now even though I want a baby, I can't get pregnant. And this girl shouldn't have gotten married there, and here she is, going to have a baby. Maybe if me and Elan had done it that way, I would be pregnant by now. I am just so mad! I know that He loves me, but I just don't understand why I can't get the one thing I have wanted more than anything in the world. There have been a lot of babies born lately, and I can't say that I am not jealous. There are new borns in both apartments next to us, and another one kiddie corner to us. I know that it isn't true, because Heavenly Father wouldn't intentionally be cruel. But I feel like He's rubbing it in my face. Like because of what I did, I have lost the blessing of children. I can't take it. But that can't be the reason because everyone sins and can still have babies. I'm so broken. I just don't know what to do.

Yesterday, at church, I realized that I have no friends. I sat alone in relief society. I wanted to leave and just cry. But I got through it, and someone finally sat next to me. But the good news is... only one week of relief society left for me! I got a calling... I'll be in the nursery after that! :) I'm glad someone finally got the revelation. Haha. Just kidding, but I am glad because I don't think I could take another few weeks of relief society!

Anyway, I really have been emotional, I hope that everything inside of me is okay. I don't know many people who cry when they spill flour on the counter...

Oh and for the few of you who I told about my unfortunate incident, I'm okay.

Love you all, be good and remember who you are!

Gratitude

The day that I was leaving for the Family Reunion in Wyoming, a man knocked on my door. He was selling magazines for school. Right away, I noticed something was off because he handed me a card describing himself and said he was 5'7" with blonde hair and blue eyes. In reality he was probably 6'5" with brown hair and brown eyes. He tried selling me magazines, and I talked to him for a little bit, and he inched his way into my home. For whatever reason, I was never comfortable with him and made him stay in the doorway, I realized that it was a huge scam because he was charging a ridiculous amount of money for a year subscription of a magazine. I think it was $65 per magazine. I don't know much about magazines, but I am pretty sure that I could spend less by going to the store every month and buying one there. After all of these things just didn't add up, I made him leave because first of all, I had no money, and second, I figured it was a scam. I realized afterwards that he had commented on a ton of our stuff like the guitars and the casio. I was super worried that he was going to rob us because I didn't fall for his scam and he staked out the place. Luckily, Elan was home that weekend, and nothing happened.

Today, I got an e-mail from our apartment warning about a man who was impersonating a magazine salesman who was an alleged rapist.

Can you imagine? I don't know if this magazine man and the rapist are the same person, but I am glad that I never found out. I can't even believe that it was even close. I can't even begin to express my appreciation for having the spirit to help me recognize predators, even if he wasn't the rapist, he was definitely a predator.

I have been in multiple situations where something bad could have happened, and for whatever reason, I have been protected again and again. I am just grateful for that.

In other news, Elan got a raise for all of his incredible hard work and dedication to his job! I am so proud of him! As for me, no job yet, but I have a good feeling about the next couple of weeks!

I am just incredibly grateful for the life that I have been given and the love that my Heavenly Father shows me every time I turn around! Even when I definitely don't deserve it!

I am super excited about our trip next week! I just can't wait to be with my best friends and family again! WE LOVE YOU!!